Old Love Letters

I was doing some personal spring cleaning today (another mundane task to avoid doing any productive work at the office). I came across a love letter written to me last summer. It brought a happy tear to my eye and made me recall good times, something else I have to be thankful for. Life is fine right now ... full of puppy kisses, the love of a family, beautiful friends, good lovin', and the promise of a profitable career. I've got high hopes for this summer.

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So close, so far away.

Life has a way of making me question everything around me and second guess every analyzation and decision I make on a daily basis. As much as I'd like for it to be simple, peaceful, and happy, it never really is. But I guess that's what makes it all so exciting. Where's my "Easy" button? I'm notorious for making bad choices and as a consequence, my life is full of regrets. I can give all my friends the perfect solution for their own problems, but I can't seem to get my own life where I want it or even on the right track. I'm not high maintenance and I feel like my needs are all valid and very reasonable. I'm the first to question otherwise. I couldn't live with myself if I felt like I was asking too much of someone.

So how do I keep ending up in this same exact place that I'm complaining about? Why can't I get there? You know the place ... that perfect place of existence where life is completely in balance with the right amount of challenge and success in work and time with perfect and loyal friends and family and topped off with that one great love that fills in whatever gaps are left to make your whole existence complete because they know you inside and out and can therefore, say whatever you need to hear at just the right time and never leave you feeling lonely. Am I really asking too much? Am I just dreaming?

I see it around me, but I can't quite grab on to it.

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Life is too short to ________ .

I was feeling much better yesterday after the rain stopped. I got a phone call around lunch time. It came from someone that is not necessarily a close friend at the moment, but who is recently closely tied into my life right now. I have no doubt that he'll be a close friend over time. He's an over-achiever and a work horse to say the least at his young age of 37 years. He was calling me from the emergency room complaining that he was about to have to be admitted to the hospital while he walked me through a task he needed help completing for work. He'd had a stroke the day before and was just then getting around to discovering the source of his "mild discomfort" (his words) and didn't see the need to be admitted. I giggled nervously and half sarcastically trying not to show too much concern over the phone.

I visited him in the hospital last night with reading material and watched as he tried hard to focus on the nurse as she coached him through several tests to determine any physical damage that may have been caused by the stroke. Thankfully, he slowly responded and passed all the tests including the ones he had failed earlier in the day. He remarked at how embarrassed he was that I was seeing him that way. I'm told he will recover fine and that the only things that will change are some of his lifestyle habits (diet, workload, etc.).

When you see someone that young (without completely giving my age away, he's only a few years older than me) sitting there from a stroke, it's really hard for me to wrap my head around it. It's the sort of thing that punches you in the gut and makes you reevaluate the course that your own life is taking. I know I don't live the sort of lifestyle that has me in jeopardy of having any sort of health problems like this, but I don't think he does either, at least not for his age.

It really scares the shit out of me. Life is suddenly much shorter than I thought. What goes in your "______"?

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Does anyone have a cure for my melancholy mood?

My weekend was crap. And now it looks like it's going to rain the entire week to make that crap as well. I hate it when I build an event or day up in my mind to be something so fun and exciting and then something completely out of my control happens to steer it in the complete opposite direction turning it into something so piss poor that it doesn't even deserve acknowledgment in the form of any discussion. I'm pretty much a home-body and by that I mean that I don't party much anymore. It's completely by choice. I'm about 5 years older than most of my girlfriends and about 10 years older than everyone thinks I am by looking at me (thank GOD), which makes it really hard to keep in touch with my girls since I'm not much of a partier anymore. Don't get me wrong, I used to party like a rock star with the best of them until the ass crack of dawn two days after the fact. I've just grown out of that whole club scene for many reasons. So when I do choose a night to go out, I expect enough out of it to make me remember why I'm too damned old for it anymore. There's always next weekend, I guess. Maybe I should just expect that to be crap too so that I won't be so disappointed if it turns out that way. Oh wait, I'm already a classic pessimist at heart.

The only remotely satisfying thing I did this weekend was spending 5 hours at the dog park basking in the sun with a new book and Titus curled up in my hair. Unconditional companionship is truly priceless.

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This is Little Titus.

Hey blogger world! My mommy is pretty busy trying to look busy, but I don't think she's working very hard. Anyway, I've hijacked her computer for a little while. I really dig the internet, man! I can see why my mommy prefers surfing the web over working. While she was busy doing who-knows-what, I was browsing this website. She told me about it and showed me the entry she posted about me. She speaks very highly of all of you.

I noticed she had a MySpace page set up, so I thought I'd set one up for myself. I think I did a pretty good job of designing it. I've already got tons of puppy friends. I think I'm addicted. I can't wait to get to know all these cute bitches and badass studs!

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Puppy's Breath ...

One of the most soothing smells I've ever encountered in my life, second only to the smell of babies which is very easily accomplished by purchasing baby powder. So if someone invented a puppy cologne that captured this scent, I'd spend every penny I have in savings to buy stock in that company just so my Titus would always smell like puppy's breath even when he gets older and looses it. Speaking of babies, Titus and babies have something in common, their sleeping habits. He sleeps all day and cries all night. I don't have children, but I'm told that's about the way they are too.

The little stinker, the first night was great and he managed to fool me into thinking this might be easy right off and he was a perfect little angel. He barely made a peep, except during a puppy dream and slept completely through the night. No such thing happened last night.He cried most of the night. I made the mistake of putting him in the bed with me, just for a second. The second his little paws hit the comforter, he peed. On top of that, there was a dog outside somewhere in the neighborhood barking all night.

The good thing about him sleeping all day is that I can bring him to work and hide him under my desk, and no one knows unless I bring him out.

We'll see how the weekend goes. Sunday he'll make his first trip to the puppy park with Enzo. You can bet your last dollar there will be pictures of that event. Monday morning I'll pay $45 for the comforter cleaning.

This entry is all over the place. I can't concentrate. I'm tired. It's going to be a long day.

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I've got a new love!

Yes, I'm in love with this beautiful, tiny ball of fur. Look at that face! How could you not fall in love? His name is Little Titus. He's a lot like me: beautiful, cuddly, and quiet. He's a little young though, only 6 weeks and 2 days old. He weighs all of 1.5 pounds. We're just getting to know each other so I'm waiting to see more of his personality come out any day now. He's perfectly content with just cuddling up next to me and not moving except to stretch and yawn occasionally, after my own heart.

Enzo recently met him and fell in love with him as well. He's going to be a perfect big brother. He was so sweet and gentle with him, even in his spas-o state. He'd lay his chin on the floor, butt up in the air, just so he could get down on Titus's level to sniff his soothing puppy breath. He made it perfectly clear that Titus must get comfortable some time very soon so they can play like there's no tomorrow.

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