Good things come to those who wait ... so she waits.
“You hate me? … Be honest.”
“That would certainly make my life easier.”
There have been too many days lately that I find myself second guessing everything that’s led me to this point, like I’m trying to find some reason or meaning for all the madness of the situation. Every event in life happens for some reason, some bigger plan. I’m still waiting for mine to surface.
As if they were all just waiting for their queue, all of my previous suspicions and bad dreams, as well as some that I had never even thought of, have been confirmed by onlookers and all I can feel about it is embarrassment. I’ve heard about so many recent distractions that only help to reassure me.
Part of me does still feel so strongly as I have since the moment we met … the other part gave up a long time ago and longs for the hate to set in if for no other reason than to ease the pain and make the tears stop. As time passes and we see less and less of each other, I hope all these feelings will just disappear into nowhwere as if they never existed in the first place. Until then, I try to avoid as many confrontations as I can and drown my memory with intoxicating forgetfulness for all of its temporary remedy while we all stand by and watch self-destruction at it’s finest. Hate, no, I wish I could … love, if this is love I want no part of it … heart broken, now there’s a feeling I can relate to.
What a beautiful disaster it was. Hopefully everyone involved will take something positive from it that will lead them to what was truly meant to be, whatever that may be.
Sign my Guestmap PLEASE!
posted by My Life N Motion @ 3:45 PM
6 Comments:
Just checking in. I still love to read what you write. Hope that things are going well for you. I have tried to reach you via IM, but I guess that that is still down.
Rea, I'm sorry to hear that you're hurting right now. Sadly, it's a feeling I understand all too well. I know it doesn't make things hurt less to know that it will eventually pass, or, at least, be less.
Yes, I think things do tend to work out for a reason, but I almost never know what that reason is until long, long after the event, if it all. And, again, it doesn't make the current pain any less.
If it helps any, I think you're a very special lady who will eventually surpass any limited joy you might have found in that other situation. And, if there's anything I can do to help, don't hesitate, okay?
ER - yea, the new version of yahoo IM sucks ass now that they added the voice part. i don't know what they did, but it's all screwed up.
NG - i know all of what you're saying is true. i've told myself all of this stuff a gajillion times. contrary to what this entry might insinuate, i'm not completely miserable all the time. yesterday was just a bad day, and the text message didn't help.
really the only reason i post stuff like this is to get it out of my head so i can think more clearly. i promise today or tomorrow, i'll find something more positive to write about. thanks for reading and for all the kind words guys.
Ah, well, good, Rea. I'm glad you're doing better than that post would have us believe.
I'm just sorry I don't know more single, straight, men to throw at you to help you forget! I can only think of two and I like you better than that to point them your direction. {{shudder}} Sometimes, it's better to be single...
;)
ha! well thanks. good looking out.
better to be single ... tell that to the empty spot in my bed. titus doesn't quite fill it. ;)
Here is the bottom line..with your unique combination of beauty, brains, humor and wonderful outlook on life; there is no way that special someone isn't just around the corner. Although Titus might get pissed off that someone is taking his spot on the bed. I know my little dog Mario gets ticked. In th emeantime hey..dogs are better than people anyways.
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