Is it better to "fake it" than to be alone? ... Part I

I consider myself to be a very honest, passionate, and generous person to everyone I come in contact with and in all my relationships with friends and boyfriends. That's just how I'm built, and I like that about myself. Take it or leave it! Therefore, I demand to be treated with the same respect and integrity that I give to those relationships. I have no doubt in my mind that I am not asking for very much in this regard. The old saying, "do unto others as you would have done unto you" goes a long way. It's a great rule to live by.

However, I've tried to explore both spectrums of this question. In an effort to surround myself with meaningful relationships, these are some of my thoughts on the subject...

"Fake it" ... We fake so many little things throughout our daily lives: smiles, pictures, our hair color, our cup size, orgasms, and yes even relationships. While I am no doubt guilty of faking a smile or two, especially for pictures, as well as my hair color, cup size and even a few orgasms, I do as much as I can never to fake my feelings in any relationship. I have seen many others do this, but how ...? How can you have genuine feelings of love or affection for a person and lie straight-faced about anything, big or small, talk bad or gossip about them behind their back, cheat on them or be deceitful in any way, shape or form? The answer: Your feelings aren't genuine, they are a lie as well. You're faking it! Whether you realize that part or not and can continue the illusion is the real question. And if so, why, what's the point? ... Oh, that's right, not to be alone. Can I knowingly continue a friendship/relationship with someone this way? I guess if I knew for a fact that they were behaving the same way, maybe it would be easier ... what goes around, comes around ... right?

Be alone ... In the grand scheme of things, if I take this route, I'm not really alone. I have God, my family and have managed to make a few very good genuine friends who aren't "fake" about their feelings or our relationships. They are real and honest people who I can count on and trust to look out for my best interest and be supportive even when I make a mistake or don't follow their advice. I certainly don't need anyone in my life that doesn't respect me and love me enough to be completely honest and true to me. As good as I am to my relationships, I deserve nothing less. And if I don't get it, I have no problem with "being alone". Yes, I know I'm not getting any younger. But that's exactly my point ... why should I waste so much time and energy with any friendship/relationship that isn't even "real", with someone that, technically, I don't really "know" or doesn't really "know" me. There are other people out there that feel the same way that I do about this and treat others as good as I do, with complete honesty, respect, understanding, compassion and love ... aren't there?

More to come at a later date, I'm sure ...

Happy Nuptials

Two friends of mine were married this weekend. As much as I always say, "I don't cry at weddings", at least one little tear always manages to creep out. I guess it's just the beauty of the whole thing. And I don't just mean the beauty of love, but the the church, the wedding party, attendees, the way it just all comes together, and the way both Adam and Vickie had a certain glow on their faces.

So to two people who deserve it most and who I have no doubt in my mind were truly meant for each other. I wish you all the best, Vickie and Adam.

The Dilemma

So, I've been working really hard on sweetreagan.com - my original vision of it anyway. I'm on the verge of putting it up with the exception of one issue. I posed for the picture that will go on the frontpage and in the banner, only after I couldn't find the silhouette pose I wanted. Ordinarily this wouldn't be an issue since it is my website. However, at first glance the picture looks extremely risque'. When the picture was taken, I was fully clothed. After much photoshopping, to get the look of the silhouette that I wanted, it now looks like i'm completely naked! OOPS!

I don't intend for it to be anything of a sexual nature at all. The theme of it was an "undressed" look with a meaning. Undressed meaning, "This is the "real" me, my thoughts, etc., etc." Obviously, I don't want to offend anyone or insinuate anything pornographic. I even thought of putting an explaination of what the picture is supposed to symbolize and that it's photoshopped. But that probably won't help much if you see it, are offended , or you've already formed an opinion about it before you read it.

My dilemma... to post or not to post. I would love an artistic opinion.

My thoughts exactly!

I got this email this morning and realized, these are my thoughts exactly. I just don't have the time or creativity to articulate them. I'm glad someone else does...

I believe the money I make belongs to me and my family, not some governmental stooge with a bad comb-over who wants to give it away to crack addicts for squirting out babies. Guns do not make you a killer. I think killing makes you a killer. You can kill someone with a baseball bat or a car, but no one is trying to ban you from driving to the ball game. I believe they are called the Boy Scouts for a reason, that is why there are no girls allowed. Girls belong in the Girl Scouts!

I think that if you feel homosexuality is wrong, it is not a phobia it is an opinion. But don't expect me to agree with all of your opinions just as I don't expect you to agree with any of mine. I don't think being a minority makes you a victim of anything except numbers. The only things I can think of that are truly discriminatory are things like the United Negro College Fund, Jet Magazine, Black Entertainment Television, and Miss Black America. Try to have things like the United Caucasian College Fund, Cloud Magazine, White Entertainment Television, or Miss White America and see what happens. Jesse Jackson will be knocking down your door.

And I definitely don't think that just because you think you had a bad childhood gives you any excuse to be a psycho or a crackhead criminal. Mine was pretty tough and I'm not running around hopped up on drugs or threating people's lives. In fact, I think I turned out pretty normal, considering.

I have the right "NOT" to be tolerant of others because they are rude, weird, or tick me off. When 70% of the people who get arrested are black, in cities where 70% of the population is black, that is not racial profiling, it is the law of statistics.

I know what sex is, and there are not varying degrees of it. If I received sex from one of my subordinates in my office, it wouldn't be a private matter or my personal business. I would be "FIRED" immediately! I also know what deceitfulness is! I believe that if you are selling me a milk shake, a pack of cigarettes, a newspaper or a hotel room, you must do it in English! As a matter of fact, if you want to be an American citizen you should have to speak English! Our fathers and grandfathers should not have died in vain so you can leave the countries you were born in to come over and disrespect ours.

I think the police should have every right to shoot your sorry ass if you threaten them after they tell you to stop. If you can't understand the word "freeze" or "stop" in English, see the above lines.

I feel much safer letting a machine with no political affiliation recount votes when needed. I know what the definition of lying is. I don't think just because you were not born in this country, you are qualified for any special loan programs, government sponsored bank loans or tax breaks, etc., so you can open a hotel, coffee shop, trinket store, or any other business. We did not go to the aid of certain foreign countries and risk our lives in wars to defend their freedoms so that decades later they could come over here and tell us our constitution is a living document and open
to their interpretations.

I don't hate the rich I don't pity the poor. I know wrestling is fake, but so are movies and television, and that doesn't stop you from watching them.

I believe a self-righteous liberal or conservative with a cause is more dangerous than a Hell's Angel with an attitude.

I think Bill Gates has every right to keep every penny he made and continue to make more. If it ticks you off, go and invent the next operating system that's better and put your name on the building.

Ask your buddy that invented the Internet to help you.

It doesn't take a whole village to raise a child right, but it does take a parent to stand up to the kid and smack his/her little ass when necessary and say,"NO"! However, there is a definite line between constructive discipline and child abuse. Learn it and don't cross. Otherwise, you deserve to be put in prison and to be made the "b&*@h" of Bubba.

I think tattoos and piercing are fine if you want them (hell, I even have a few), but please don't pretend they are a political statement. And please stay home until that new lip ring heals, I don't want to look at your ugly infected mouth as you serve me French fries!

I am sick of "Political Correctness" and of all the suck ups that go along with it. I know a lot of black people, and not a single one of them was born in Africa, so how can they be "African Americans"?

Besides, Africa is a continent. I don't go around saying I am a European American because my great, great, great, great, great, great Grandfather was from Europe. I am proud to be from America and nowhere else.

And if you don't like my point of view, tough! I'm a pretty quiet person, I think it's ok for me to be a little blunt about my opinions every now and then. WAKE-UP WHILE YOU STILL HAVE A COUNTRY TO WAKE UP TO!!

"In God We Trust" If you don't like it in the schools, DON'T SPEND MONEY!!