Is it better to "fake it" than to be alone? ... Part I

I consider myself to be a very honest, passionate, and generous person to everyone I come in contact with and in all my relationships with friends and boyfriends. That's just how I'm built, and I like that about myself. Take it or leave it! Therefore, I demand to be treated with the same respect and integrity that I give to those relationships. I have no doubt in my mind that I am not asking for very much in this regard. The old saying, "do unto others as you would have done unto you" goes a long way. It's a great rule to live by.

However, I've tried to explore both spectrums of this question. In an effort to surround myself with meaningful relationships, these are some of my thoughts on the subject...

"Fake it" ... We fake so many little things throughout our daily lives: smiles, pictures, our hair color, our cup size, orgasms, and yes even relationships. While I am no doubt guilty of faking a smile or two, especially for pictures, as well as my hair color, cup size and even a few orgasms, I do as much as I can never to fake my feelings in any relationship. I have seen many others do this, but how ...? How can you have genuine feelings of love or affection for a person and lie straight-faced about anything, big or small, talk bad or gossip about them behind their back, cheat on them or be deceitful in any way, shape or form? The answer: Your feelings aren't genuine, they are a lie as well. You're faking it! Whether you realize that part or not and can continue the illusion is the real question. And if so, why, what's the point? ... Oh, that's right, not to be alone. Can I knowingly continue a friendship/relationship with someone this way? I guess if I knew for a fact that they were behaving the same way, maybe it would be easier ... what goes around, comes around ... right?

Be alone ... In the grand scheme of things, if I take this route, I'm not really alone. I have God, my family and have managed to make a few very good genuine friends who aren't "fake" about their feelings or our relationships. They are real and honest people who I can count on and trust to look out for my best interest and be supportive even when I make a mistake or don't follow their advice. I certainly don't need anyone in my life that doesn't respect me and love me enough to be completely honest and true to me. As good as I am to my relationships, I deserve nothing less. And if I don't get it, I have no problem with "being alone". Yes, I know I'm not getting any younger. But that's exactly my point ... why should I waste so much time and energy with any friendship/relationship that isn't even "real", with someone that, technically, I don't really "know" or doesn't really "know" me. There are other people out there that feel the same way that I do about this and treat others as good as I do, with complete honesty, respect, understanding, compassion and love ... aren't there?

More to come at a later date, I'm sure ...