Spoiled celebrity babble.

Today's entry is going to be about some of the entertaining, if not interesting (very unlikely), celebrity gossip I heard on the news this morning. Some of this stuff is just plain funny, especially the last one. Beware: This is a very lengthy entry because I have a lot of opinions about this stuff directly steaming from my sad reality TV addiction. ;)

So of course, I watched the Bachelorette last night. My friend, Collin, did not receive a rose, but I already knew that was going to happen without him even telling me. He came to visit us to go shopping (for outfits for the show, no less) right before he left for New York for taping. Needless to say, he was back in Austin the next week. So we already knew he was eliminated in the first round, DUH! Now, if you look at Collin, he's one of the better looking guys on there, and there are way too many dorks! You may ask, "Why did he get eliminated so quickly?" The short answer is: Jen's not his type. When I heard that he was going to be on the show this season, already knowing Jen was going to be the bachelorette because I follow that closely, my first thought was that he wouldn't put forth any effort to talk to her or get to know her because she's not his type (by type, I mean she's not hot enough). Now, I'm not saying she's ugly or unlikeable, she's not. She's adorable, has a great outlook on life, very successful, loveable woman. But, she's no Trista.

Now, on to making fun of some of these bachelors. This may be a little more brutal than I normally am, but it's the nature of the show. Get over it, or skip this entry! ... Come on, could they have picked a dorkier group of guys? There were only 4 or 5 guys that are even remotely hot and a couple of cute one's.

A.W. seems pretty nice, but clearly not my top pick in the looks department. He's got really creepy bug-eyes.

And OMG, if only ABC would have been serving straight from a keg, Chris C. would have been in Heaven. He came off as a major lush. Originally, when I made my picks, I thought, "Oh, he's kind of cute and he's a hairdresser. He's in for sure! He could do her hair everyday before she goes to work. They'll be two peas in a pod. It'll be so cute." That was obviously before I heard him speak. Please send this poor boy back to school and buy him some speech therapy lessons before you send him on any other reality shows. He desperately needs a lot of help!

Chris M. just had 0 personality. And I didn't like the way his lips don't really move when he spoke. Plus, he didn't even wear a tie with his suit. Come on man, you're possibly meeting your future wife. Dress up a little!

Poor David, the fainter. He was one of the guys I picked as being really hot. But then when you see him on the show, he almost looks too "done up". He didn't look like he was Jen's type. I can't tell if the fainting spell was faked for some attention or if it was real. Either way, I guessed it was him when they were showing the previews of it.

Eric H., A.K.A. "Slim Ball". All I can say about this guy is "EW!" His comment at the end of the show about how his advances on Jen's friend were misunderstood, his exact words were, "taken the wrong way." Well, um hm, let's evaluate that for a second. When someone asks me if I'd like to go out sometime, I take that as an invitation for a date, clearly flirting. What a typical IDIOT! That's right Eric, turn it around. Make it look like all of America didn't just see with our own eyes what happened and we are all mistaken. Did he forget there was a television crew recording everything they did?

HA, Fabrice! I'm still not sure why she kept this guy other than the fact that his comments and advances were so ridiculously corny, that they were humorous. Who are all of these American women falling for this crap? I think he depends too much on his accent and not enough on intelligent conversation, to get him women. To top it off, it looks like he may get arrested during filming. I'm looking forward to seeing that. While you're at it, deport his cheesy butt back to Paris. My personal opinion, yuck.

John Paul came off very cocky, and I don't mean that in a good way. Yes, you're only 25 and you have major cash in the bank. So, what the hell are you doing on the Bachelorette trying to find your wife? I have a sneaky suspicion he's another Rick Rockwell in the making.

Now, while I sympathize with those guys that were pretty nice and didn't get to spend any quality time with Jen, I definitely think that the First Impression Rose (er, um, I mean, Pity Rose in this case) should not have gone to Keith. He doesn't look like her type, and I'm not saying that because of his career choice. They could have given it to Andy. Keith just wasn't "put together" very well. But, I guess her friends would know her better than I would.

Michael is a really nice guy, but not very attractive. Let's hope his other more redeeming qualities shine throughout the season.

I can't figure out why Jen picked Ryan Sm. It didn't look like she even said 2 words to him. I'm assuming they edited that part out. Except that when she said his name and the cameras scanned the faces of the other guys, they looked surprised as well.

Stu, Stu, Stu. YES, HE'S DEFINITELY CREEPY! And judging from the season's previews, we have a psycho on our hands. Goodbye Jane, hello Stu! What has Jen gotten herself into? One can only hope she figures this guy out early on before he kills everyone in the bachelor pad. Although, he's probably going to slit his wrists when he gets the boot.

And finally, Wendall. Again, not a very attractive man, but very nice. I picked him to advance just because of his bio answers. Which leads me to another point, some of these guys had such short bio answers, it wasn't hard to figure out who was dumb as dirt and who actually could hold a conversation when put in front of an intelligent woman.

If I had to pick who will get the final rose right now, I think I'd pick Jerry. I think he's really going to pull out all the stops. And he's gorgeous! I'm sure that guess will change throughout the season as we see "real" personalities emerge.

OK, Bachelorette talk ... Done. Lucky you.

Let me clarify before I begin this topic ... I am a huge fan of The Simple Life and of Paris & Nicole. Not so much because I admire them or any noble reason of that sort. But simply because they have such drama-stricken, nauseatingly wealthy, public lifestyles. They make me freakin laugh. Oh, and they're also hot. The scoop: One of the episodes this season was going to be filmed at a middle school in New Jersey. Paris & Nicole were planning to work as substitute teachers for the school. Apparently, when parents heard about it, they went to the school board in protest, complaining that the girls were not good role models for their children. One parent said, "Their reputation leaves a lot to be desired." They were also afraid that their town would be made fun of and/or be portrayed negatively in some way. Well, DUH! Why hasn't anyone figured this out before now? I'm sure someone has, and we just never heard about it. Funny, to say the least.

I've saved the best for last! Britney Spears is now so desperate to have new hubby Kevin Federline be a success, she has vowed to spend up to $1,000,000 on singing, acting, and dancing classes for him. Then, when he's been given the works, Kevin and Britney will tour the globe performing as a husband and wife double act. This scumbag really has hit the jackpot! And who the hell is she trying to kid. This fiasco of a marriage is almost as unbelievable as Michael Jackson and Lisa Marie Presley's short stint.

HA! This was such a lame post!