I'm a creature of habit.
I woke up this morning from an almost sleepless night and thought to myself, "What just happened over the past 2 weeks?" I've been walking around for the past several weeks in a daze of denial and most recently, disbelief. I've just been dumped, or was it mutual? ... I'm still really confused about the whole thing? I sort of knew it was coming, but it still hurts and frustrates the hell out of me just the same. Let's make the situation worse ... WE LIVED TOGETHER!!! Oh, not enough? Well, try this ... Thanksgiving day was our 3 year anniversary. THREE YEARS! I've got several friends who have met and gotten married in the last three years. No, that's not enough ... here's the icing for this cake ... HE WON'T LET ME HAVE MY OWN DOG!!! I begged him for 6 months to let me have a dog. He finally gave in when I compromised on a breed I knew he'd love, a cocker spaniel. Now that he's grown close to the dog, I no longer have rights to him. Ain't that some shit!?
Funny thing is, his mother (of all people, how ironic) sent me this story about a month ago. I've known for a very long time that this relationship probably wasn't going to work. Aside from the fact that I love him more than I love myself, I'm a "fixer" in every aspect of my life (work, family, friends, love). I see something is wrong or not working the way it should and all I can do is think of ways to fix it. And I'm neurotic about it. I loose sleep at night until I get it fixed. The problem comes in when others involved aren't ready to participate in the fixing.
So, I've realized that my single worst habit is staying in relationships that I shouldn't for way longer than I should. I've done it with every single one of them. So yes, I'm the idiot fool who should've turned and ran as fast as I could 2 years ago when I first started to realize that he wasn't the kind of person I thought he was and that he was never going to love me the way I loved him. No seriously, I'm not blaming him for anything at all. And I won't sit here and spill out all the nasty, sleezy things that I found over the past 3 years because it's nobody's business but ours. Quite frankly, I'm embarrassed that I knew about all these things and still kept trying to make it work. And I'm not going to whine about how crushed I am because I hate fucking whiners! By whiners, I mean people who cry and complain about how shitty their situation is but never get off their butts to do anything to change it for whatever excuse they can come up with to make themselves sleep easier at night. Well, don't worry, you'll never see me cry about this. Do I sound bitter?
So happy fucking anniversary baby! Thanks for the hard lessons. I hope it was all worth it. I'll try really, really, really hard to remember the good times. I'm sure you've already begun with your adventures to get over "us".
I said before there were about to be some big changes. Well, I'm trying to get a new blogger template finalized. I'm having some trouble tweeking it because I had to teach myself html, so I admittedly have a lot to learn. If anyone wants to volunteer to help me figure out what I'm doing wrong, feel free to email me! ;)
posted by My Life N Motion @ 9:28 AM
8 Comments:
Your moving forward in such a positive direction. Quite frankly, he isn't man enough for you. A REAL MAN wouldn't behave the way he did.
The world has a lot more in store for you. It's unwritten which, although tedious at times, is the adventure.
We are going to have a blast! Watch out Houston!
I forgot to add i will help you kidnap the dog. Anyone reading this. . . pretend you never read that.
you need a wheel man for this little heist..err...caper?
Reagan, first time reading and commenting on your blog. Drawn here stalking Sass. Er, make that "worshiping from afar". Whatever.
I'm recently divorced and had the EXACT SAME THING HAPPEN WITH MY DOG! In my case, though, the Harpy took the dog to Phoenix, Arizona. When my darling puppy allegedly killed one of her cats, she was willing to send my Hilda back to me.
In short, while it's been some time since I've performed any "black ops", I'd be honored to join the extraction team to rescue your dog. Just give the word. As an added bonus, I drive a retired police car that still looks all copped up.
Man, I must be out of the loop! You guys broke up?
I'm sorry to hear that. Really. Both you guys have been good friends, and we've had some great times partying. It sucks that these things happen, so if you don't want to remember the good times, I'll do it for you. Because that's all I remember.
Granted, people are completely different in a social setting. We all put on our happy faces. But take comfort in the fact that you can't control a relationship. I know that sounds weird. You can only control yourself. And if you did the best you could for yourself, then that's all that you could do.
well said peters.
sorry to hear that rea. seemed like you two were in for the long haul!
but bryan's right, you were a great girlfriend to him, so try not to regret the situation. (easier said than done, i know).
and the enzo thing... UM I DON'T THINK SO. if you need help with a dog-napping, i'm down. i'm sure fe would be down too. we'll wear black clothes and say things like "the raven flies at midnight."
good luck and stay well!!
We'll be in broke up land together Roomie! "He's not strong enough to be my man" is my new motto!!! You can use it too ;) D
Oh no... Reagan and Dana living together. That spells TROUBLE (in a good way).
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